You were so brave, so affectionate, to still seek the warmth of companionship, even if that took all of your strength.
It hurt to see that struggle, you were already miles away but looking for a safe place to go.
Watching you go was mind-wretching. These intertwined emotions were mind-wretching. It was such a beautiful realisation you never had to suffer and I was so fortunate to be there for you until the end of time. You could never be hurt now, you would be safe forever.
Strangely, I was to recognize something I had never felt before. All the while, it was a total shock. How could I expect I'd feel so cold inside? I was left shaking. I did not know who or what I needed, it was hard to find solace. I would tell no one. Nobody will understand just what you meant to me. I missed you so badly. It was a personal emotion I would keep to myself.
I could not erase the memory of your face, flashing before me was the memory of every little
detail that was you, I could not escape feeling haunted by the look in
your eyes. Your personality through your eyes, right before me, staring into my inner self.
I was bitten by remorse, consumed by an overwhelmingly inexplicable sense of remorse, crippling, melting over me. "Remorse" was carved in my mind.
Remorse made me question if I had done everything to avoid what was inevitable in its natural course. Remorse and regret are very tricky emotions, they get to you to and will get hold of you.
Solace I found in an insight. Love makes one vulnerable, but also strong. Who is willing to defy the pain of losing, will not be devoid of the most meaningful bond of affection. I knew right where I stood. You went and taught me. I promised to write you this tribute. You are engraved in my mind.
